I awoke at midnight. I’d been dreaming I was having contractions, but that was normal this late in pregnancy. Five minutes later another one came, slow but sure. I got up to try and walk them off. But they came stronger and surer.
I called Keila, and she came. She watched me through a couple contractions and we decided to go to the hospital as soon as Kristin arrived to be with Simon.
At the hospital, declining the wheelchair, the contractions were too strong and close to sit. I managed to walk to the room and as soon as I got to the bed, Margo was born at 2:57. There was no doctor and the nurses were caught off guard. I remember two things: being immensely relieved and hearing Michael’s joyous words of praise.
God came through for me in a very tangible way in the next few days at the hospital. The medication they had given me gave me episodes of anxiety, shaking, nausea, and dizziness (while laying down) as I went through withdrawal from it. At first I didn’t know what was causing it and I thought I was going crazy. The doctor told me it was “baby blues” and would turn into depression if I didn’t “get over it” soon. She then prescribed more medications to cover the symptoms. I wouldn’t be able to go home until I was well enough to take care of my baby, and it didn’t look like that was going to happen soon.
Before I realized the cause of the episodes, Michael and I prayed about it that evening and God spoke to my soul saying “I’m stronger than any drug or any sickness”. I held on to this so firmly and spoke it whenever I felt the symptoms coming on. That night I was able to sleep peacefully, resting completely in His care. As I purposed to trust Him, he continued to heal me.
The next morning, I was full of joy, completely rested, able to get up and move without feeling sick. There was no more dizziness or anxiety. The doctor seemed surprised to find me this way, as I had refused all the medications she’d prescribed. She told me if I could walk around the wing without getting dizzy, I could go home. I did and Margo and I were home by lunch time.
More than ever we are aware of how we do not know what the short term future holds. I’m not sure what it’s like to have two kids. I’m not sure what it’ll be like to have a little girl. I’m not sure what “normal” is going to look like after the threat of this virus passes. But really we never know; God is always holding it all, whether we are able to plan for the short-term or not.
His response to my trust in His care is a constant reminder as we go through these coming times that I need to continue to have faith that He is stronger. He is stronger than any disease, any problem, anyTHING. When the anxiety of the world weighs on me, I can remember that He is stronger.